Derailed Again, But Not By the Migraine - By the Med.
Photo by Karan Mandre on Unsplash
I’m working on an article about that most painful of moments—when your miracle drug tries to kill you.
It happened over four months ago, but I still can’t get it out of my head. Since the “event,” I’ve changed drugs, and so far, the new formulation hasn’t tried to kill me. But the new side effects are a bit daunting.
First round last month wasn’t too bad - just some bruising and GI trouble.
Second round’s been a bit of a roller coaster. Injection site reaction, GI crankiness, dizziness, and anxiety that crawls under my skin and makes me irritable, messing with my focus, and causing wilder than usual dreams.
Really the nightmarish mash of up of Age of Adaline + Uncoupled + The Sandman last night was, well…. disturbing is letting it off too easily.
The thing is, and I’m sure I’m not alone here, the first things out the window are the things that would help, if I could just make myself do them.
My trifecta of goodness is:
Meditation
Yoga
Sleep
If I can keep that part of my life solid, I can weather so much more shit from the migraine. But they always seem to be the first things I cut when I’m trying to survive.
The twitchiness is ebbing slowly. I’ve promised myself I’d meditate and do 15 minutes of Yin Yoga tonight, and I have a reasonable expectation of not letting myself down.
Besides, there is every possibility my side effects are being augmented by my fear. Each time I inject myself with a CGRP I wonder if this is the time it will send me to the hospital. Not that I’m that afraid of the hospital, but I am that terrified of losing access to the one med that has made a difference.
